To make all star games fun, put money to the test

This ... this could be more fun,

This … this could be more fun,
picture: Getty Images

The reason I’m against the NBA mid-season championship is the same reason the Weekend All-Star events and Pro Bowls don’t work: Motivation. Rings are the only unit that counts for bragging. That’s why people laugh when Carmelo Anthony talks about all his Olympic gold medals. There’s no reason to try hard or risk losing when the collective response is, “Tell me when X wins one (or another) title.”

The leagues obviously care enough about the shows to put the time and effort into shape, but the time and effort don’t give anything a prestige. The way to make an event or game show prestigious is to make the players want to win it as much as they want to win a title.

And the way to do that is to throw exorbitant amounts of money at them. You should be enough loot to make millionaires blush – a huge amount of money and the reason it never will. However, if you could get $50 million richer for just a few specials, there would be no way for players who normally inhabit the competition to get into it. There should be exams and qualifications due to the outpouring of interest.

Remember when movie studios were like, “Oh, it’s nice. Netflix wants to make original movies.” Now movie stars are lining up the number one list because the company offers multi-million dollar deals like party favors. These athletes have limited time to earn money during their football career. There is no way to ignore an invitation to Hawaii if the NFL pays each man $5 million for appearances and another $5 million for a win.

Again, there is absolutely no way for this to happen, but put a big, disgusting bonus on these things, and no one will ignore them. Perhaps you could also try some kind of weird lottery system where the jackpot grows so exponentially every five years that players make sure they are healthy and in good shape for/by the end of the week in All-Stars.

LeBron James should want to win All-Stars this weekend as it will add to his legacy. And he’s doing pretty well for short periods now anyway. (It’s a crime against basketball because he’s never been in an NBA dunk before. Want to be better than Michael Jordan? Lengthen the free-throw line a step or two. Shit is checkers, it’s not chess.)

It’s really hard to have that much talent in one place and tap into it consumables supplement. Every year these events pass with Jason Statham and Jet Li laughing at Sylvester Stallone’s incomprehensible jokes while they have the cast to be Avengers: EndgameIqbal type.

How much money do you think Ice Cube spends in the Big Three League? How much does it cost to restart the USFL in your opinion? Someone get these guys on Zoom and see if they want to fund sporting events that people will actually follow. Super Bowl-winning players receive a $150,000 bonus. Imagine what these gluttons would be for $10 million instead of just a free stay in Honolulu. The most memorable aspect of this year’s Pro Bowl was Micah Parsons’ victory over Tyreke Hill in a 40-yard dash.

There must be a sultan or prince who can finance this idea using money earned from means that we certainly don’t want to know about. Fail the Premier League (obviously screw Phil Mickelson), let’s get the Saudis on board for our All-Star Weekend fix.

The nice thing about having no concept of disposable income for a billionaire is telling them how to spend it. I’ve lived in Aspen for a decade, and there are a lot of people out there who have more money than God. Let’s give the housing market a break and use some of that money to take full advantage of the potential of bringing together the best players in their sports for a sports competition.

I hate when people say money doesn’t solve everything. It might not fix a relationship or a death in the family, but bullshit sure can fix the Pro Bowl. “What if we had our quarterbacks playing on a chain corner?” “What if we gave the contestants five minutes to complete their immersion and didn’t spot them for mistakes?” (This is called the Best Trick Contest, and They’ve had their skateboard for decades.) What if you put enough money on the line to get the attention of millionaires on the verge of billionaires?

All-Star Weekends have the infrastructure to be as great as the NBA Finals. Taking the equipment home should be like a European team winning the Champions League or an English team claiming the FA Cup. These awards are important because of their history and the difficulty it takes to win them. There is influence to her and her prestige. It’s not the main goal they’ve been chasing all season, but it’s a distinction made in a game and not just given to them.

Double RBIs aren’t worth a double in a classic middle season because it’s still hard to get an RBI in an MLB All-Star game. Steph Curry hitting 16 3s is fun, but no one acting like Team Durant was actually guarding him.

Format changes are rather fun. Placing a big sack of cash on a bunch of All-Stars qualifies as a stunt too…a stunt that might work.